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Caring too much about what others think can be a real buzzkill. It can hold you back from living your best life, pursuing your dreams, or being authentic. 

I’ve been an anxious person for most of my life, so I’m basically an expert on the topic.

If you find yourself second-guessing your choices because of someone else’s opinion, you’re not alone. The good news is that you can break free from that mindset. 

Here’s how to stop giving a f*ck what anyone thinks and start living life on your terms.

Embrace Your Weirdness

First, recognize that you are one-of-a-kind and that there’s nobody else out there like you. In my case, that’s probably a good thing. But I digress…

Your quirks, interests, and your flaws make you who you are. Instead of trying to fit into someone else’s mold, celebrate your individuality. What makes you unique? Remind yourself of those qualities whenever self-doubt creeps in. When you embrace your uniqueness, it becomes way easier to shrug off others’ opinions. 

Realize That Most People Don’t Really Care

This is the big one. Thinking about that one time in 5th Grade you said something embarrassing? Yes, it sucked but the truth is the world has moved on. No one is thinking about you that way, and if they are they are either obsessed or bored. You don’t need them.

Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to spend much time judging you. They’re not analyzing your every move or decision. Even if someone does have a negative opinion, it’s a reflection of their insecurities, not anything to do with you. 

Focus on the people who truly matter and whose opinions you value, and let the rest fade into the background.

Set Boundaries

It’s important to set boundaries with people who try to impose their views on you. You don’t have to engage or justify your choices. Let them know that their opinion isn’t needed or welcome, and redirect the conversation. If they persist, maybe it’s time to let them go. 

Shift Your Focus

Shift your focus from what others think to what you think. Ask yourself: What do I want? What makes me happy? When you start prioritizing your desires over the opinions of others, life gets a whole lot more enjoyable. Set personal goals and chase after them with passion. New job, career change, hobbies—do it for you.

The more you focus on yourself, the less energy you’ll have to waste on worrying about what others think.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

I make a pretty good attempt at keeping a positive attitude. Has it always served me well? Generally, but sometimes I’m too trusting.

The people you hang out with have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself. If you’re constantly surrounded by negative vibes or judgmental attitudes, it’s time to reevaluate those relationships. 

Seek out friends and acquaintances who uplift and inspire you—those who celebrate your successes and encourage you to be yourself. Positive people will help reinforce the idea that it’s perfectly okay to be different and will support you in your journey toward self-acceptance. 

Practice self-compassion. When you catch yourself worrying about what others think, take a step back and ask how you would treat a friend in the same situation. Chances are, you’d offer words of encouragement and support, not criticism. Extend that same kindness to yourself. Remember that you’re human and that it’s okay to make mistakes or have flaws. The more you can learn to love and accept yourself, the less you’ll care about anyone else’s opinion.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Sometimes the harshest critic is ourselves. When those nagging thoughts pop up—like “What will they think?” or “I shouldn’t do this”—challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if those thoughts are really true or just a product of fear. Often, we blow things out of proportion in our minds. Fear is a big component in how you react to circumstances. FEAR is just False Evidence Appearing Real.

Take a step back and evaluate the situation objectively. You’ll likely find that most people are too busy worrying about their own lives to judge yours as harshly as you imagine. Remember that you are the expert on your own life. No one else can truly understand what you’re going through or what’s best for you. Trust your instincts and make decisions that align with your values, not someone else’s. The more you practice this, the easier it will become to tune out external noise and stay true to yourself. 

Ultimately, the only opinion that matters is your own. Embrace it, and watch as the freedom to live authentically transforms your life.

Stopping the habit of giving a f*ck about what anyone thinks is all about embracing who you are, shifting your focus inward, surrounding yourself with positivity, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing self-compassion.Living life on your own terms is worth it. Remember that life is too short to live for anyone but yourself, so be unapologetically you and embrace your uniqueness.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks.

I’ve had FOUR people close to me pass away (which is a complete mind fuck, let me tell ya).

Then I woke up on this beautiful Saturday to find that Jimmy Buffett was no longer with us.

I was not a massive fan of his music (some of his songs, quite frankly, got on my damned nerves), though I did appreciate his impact on his fans and the legacy he leaves behind.

What I did admire was his salesmanship and his writing.

He took his laid-back lifestyle and turned it into a multi-billion dollar empire. He sold a dream of living by the water, drinking margaritas, and sailing on your boat to millions of fans who most likely had never even been on the water or had ever seen an actual beach.

Jimmy Buffett’s music and persona have become synonymous with escapism and the desire for a carefree, tropical paradise.

Many aspire to emulate his ability to create a brand around his lifestyle.

He was also a gifted writer. Being someone who tries to live that ‘Florida lifestyle,’ I was drawn to his books as an escape mechanism during the winter months and when circumstances dictated that I couldn’t be in Florida. Buffett’s books captured the spirit of his lifestyle. From tales of adventure on the high seas to stories of love and loss in paradise, his writing allowed readers to escape their everyday lives and dream of a life filled with sunshine and palm trees.

The loss of Jimmy Buffett is a reminder of the power of music and the ability of an artist to create a world that resonates with many people.

His songs transported listeners to a place of relaxation and enjoyment. Whether it was a beach party anthem like “Margaritaville” or a reflective ballad like “A Pirate Looks at Forty,” Buffett had a way of connecting with his audience on a deep level.

Although Jimmy Buffett may no longer be with us, his legacy lives on through his music, books, and the countless lives he touched along the way.

As the Parrotheads would say, ‘Fins Up’.

Rest easy, sailor.

Life, as it’s known to do, has thrown a few curveballs as of late. 

When you have upheavals in life, its best to stop and take stock of what’s happening, how you’re feeling, and most importantly – what the fuck you’ll do about it.

As you reach a ‘certain age,’ you begin to think about legacy. 

This is especially vital for creative people: 

What did I leave behind? 

Will anyone appreciate my work when I’m gone? 

Hell, does anyone appreciate my work NOW?

I had trouble answering those questions.

The honest truth is that I have not challenged myself creatively far too long. 

I’ll give COVID partial credit for that: during lockdown, I worked at my day job and then basically sat around instead of hustling on a new business idea or creative projects. Prior to COVID, I would post an illustration almost every day on Instagram.

Since I wasn’t hustling, my design firm, Resolve Media, slowly withered away, and my last dependable client retired (she was with me since 1999!).

I sold the domain and walked away. 

Fast forward: My ‘day’ job involved a lot more writing and less design. I enjoy writing, but it doesn’t ‘scratch that itch’. Then I got hooked on AI – spending hours at night writing prompts. Made some cool stuff, but nothing I’d hang on a wall.

I can’t remember the last time I got sucked into an engaging project. And to make matters worse, my ADHD is off the charts.

It makes me sad (and angry).

It makes me feel like I’m wasting my God-given talent.

Ok, John, so what are you going to do about it?

I’m going to put in the work!

I’m going to make art for myself and hopefully some happy paying clients again.

Happiness is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be happy. I will refuse the negative thoughts that push me down and discourage me.

Art and design will once again become a priority in my life (next to my dog, Bella, of course).

This morning, in a moment of frustration, and then clarity, I put it all down on paper and am putting my mission statement out there for the world to see.

Here it goes:

  • I know my worth: I am not underselling myself, giving discounts, or lowballing my work.
  • I am working on establishing my personal brand as a designer and writer. I will post and engage with my audience daily to build my following.
  • I am choosing precisely who I work with. If you dislike or are uncomfortable with who you work with, what’s the point?
  • I reject imposter syndrome and trust in my abilities as a graphic designer. 
  • I am starting a new business idea as soon as my last idea fails. I will refuse to give up building my businesses and try everything until it works. Success is the only option.
  • I deal with creative block by getting away from the desk and going for a long walk or to the gym.
  • Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s a complete waste of energy. 
  • If I’m delaying or don’t feel like working on something, I give myself 15 minutes to get started. Completing the task is more satisfying than procrastinating.
  • I work when my energy levels are at their peak to maximize my day and be able to do things I enjoy.
  • Health and fitness are top priorities. It requires absolute discipline when it comes to food and alcohol, with zero alcohol as the baseline.

I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me. we’ll see what the next 6 months bring.

If you’re looking for a designer and illustrator with over 30 years of experience in print, web, and marketing communications, give me a shout.
Follow me on Instagram.
My portfolio is here.


Should I?

Or shouldn’t I?

We often find ourselves at difficult crossroads. 

“Play the tape forward” is a common cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) technique often used in addiction recovery. Still, it can be helpful for anyone trying to make behavioral changes or decisions, and it’s essentially a form of mental visualization or forecasting.

Here’s how it works:

When confronted with a decision, particularly a potentially harmful one, you mentally “play the tape forward” to envision the potential consequences of that decision. 

For example, suppose you’re tempted to drink alcohol after being sober for some time. In that case, you play the tape forward by imagining the immediate pleasure of drinking – and also the adverse outcomes — such as feeling hungover, experiencing regret, damaging relationships or job prospects, or jeopardizing your sobriety and health.

Be as specific as possible in your visualization.

The more detailed you are, the more powerful the exercise will be. For example, you might imagine going to the liquor store and buying a bottle of wine. You might imagine yourself opening the bottle and taking a drink. You might imagine how the alcohol would make you feel physically and emotionally. Or how lousy you’ll feel the next day. 

Once you’ve played the tape forward, reflect on what you’ve imagined for a few minutes. How did it make you feel? What did you learn from the exercise?

Playing the tape forward can often help you see the negative consequences of giving in to your cravings. This can make it easier to resist temptation in the future.

Playing the tape forward can help you make more mindful, informed choices by allowing you to consider both short-term gratification and long-term consequences. 

Here are some additional tips for using the “playing the tape forward” technique:

  • Be as specific as possible in your visualization. The more detailed you are, the more powerful the exercise will be.
  • Focus on the negative consequences of giving in to your cravings. This will help you to stay motivated to resist temptation.
  • Practice the exercise regularly. The more you use it, the more effective it will become.

This method can be used for any kind of decision-making, not just in the context of addiction. It’s a valuable tool for weighing the potential impact of actions and behaviors.

Other CBT techniques to consider

If you find the “play the tape forward” technique helpful, there are several other CBT techniques that you may want to explore:

  • Cognitive restructuring: This technique involves identifying and changing negative thought patterns or beliefs contributing to unhealthy behaviors or emotions.
  • Mindfulness: This practice involves focusing on the present moment and accepting things without judgment.
  • Exposure therapy involves gradually exposing yourself to situations or stimuli that trigger anxiety or fear in a controlled and safe environment.

Finding the techniques that work best for you and your unique situation is essential.

Consider working with a therapist or mental health professional to develop a personalized plan for managing difficult decisions and behaviors.

Photo by Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash